“Light a candle instead of cursing the darkness”~Eleanor Roosevelt.

Sometimes we don’t have a candle. Sometimes we can’t find a match. When we don’t, we are not at fault, we are not weak, we are not complainers, whiners, or otherwise not good enough. We simply don’t have the candle or the match, and we do the best that we can until we find them. We look for the candles others are holding until we find one that illuminates what we need to see. We do what we need to do while fumbling our way in the dark.

Sometimes we have a candle; maybe we have a lot of candles. When we do, it’s important to leverage our privilege by lighting a candle and holding it for our community without shaming others for not being able to hold their own light. Instead, we reflect on times we couldn’t find our own light, and share what we have as an act of gratitude and service.

Whether we have one or many candles, in times of darkness, we may still curse the darkness because it is easier than reflecting on the times we couldn’t find our own light. Sometimes our light gets snuffed out or our candle burns down to a nub. These are the times that we need to practice self-care and allow others to hold the light for a little while until we are able to hold our own again. Then we get up and hold our light so others can rest and find their own again.

We are not alone in the darkness.

~D. Phoenix-Wilcox, 2025.